Hi, My Name’s Frank.

She is loud, obnoxious, always thinks she’s right, and is constantly criticizing anything that might have something different to offer than her own judgements.She’s narrow-minded, stubborn, and is certainly difficult to ignore because she shouts to make herself feel more significant than all the rest, she’s mean to make herself feel more powerful, and she makes you feel like crap in the most manipulative of ways because ultimately, stepping on others is how she lifts herself up. She’s toxic, and you probably know that in a very real and deep way, but for some reason you still feel drawn to her. You almost feel like you’d be lost and nothing without her because those toxic tactics that she’s used to manipulate situations in her favor have actually worked… they’ve knocked down your self-esteem in just the right ways to make you believe the lies, but they’ve offered you an opportunity for redemption by earning approval and praise that promises to build it back up. (But it never truly builds it back up, does it?) You’ve become so close to her that as toxic as she might be, you feel a sense of attachment to and need for her and you honestly feel like you couldn’t walk away even if you wanted to, so you settle for the pain involved in the friendship because it ultimately provides you with some twisted sense of comfort, stability, and acceptance.
Until one day you realize that you never needed anything to provide you with those things before she came into your life, because you already possessed them. You finally realize that she stole them away from you, and you allowed her to, while making you feel like you could and should earn them back, even though they were already yours… and are still yours. One day, you realize that that isn’t a friendship at all. That despite what that she has to say about it, you know that you’re worth more than what she wants you to believe. And you’re taking it back.

So you walk away.
And now you feel freer and happier as you take your own confidence, happiness, and well being into your own hands, rather than handing it over to someone else to handle for you. And after you finally take that step you wonder how and why you ever allowed yourself to live within an arms reach of freedom and happiness without actually taking it.
Ego is a bold personality.
But here’s the best part: we don’t need her.
Ego tells us that we need to compare to others in order to gage our success, and she makes us feel like we aren’t “enough” if we don’t measure up similarly or “better” than other people that she tells us are doing it “right”. She spends all of her time and energy telling us what we’re supposed to believe is right and wrong, but it’s her that’s wrong.
Because we’re all different. We have different goals to achieve, different journeys to experience as we pursue those goals, and different paths to take as we travel along those journeys. We are each our own selves, which no one else can be, nor can we be anyone else, and we have an authenticity that is all our own, is beautiful, and that serves a very beautiful, very unique purpose in this world. Listening to the criticism of ego blocks us from seeing and accepting that and, therefore, blocks us from living our true potential and experiencing the true happiness that is available to us. Allowing ourselves to stay trapped within the confines of the ego keeps us at an arms reach of freedom and happiness without actually taking it, and that is not only a disservice to ourselves, but it is a disservice to the world by depriving it of experience the beauty that we have to offer it. Because literally not one single person/life/soul is the same, and that is what’s so incredibly wonderful about this world… yet ego tells us that it is precisely what is unattractive, weird, and unacceptable and that it should be criticized and “fixed” about each other.
But who are we to criticize and judge? Who are we to say what’s right and what’s wrong, what’s ugly and what’s beautiful, what success is, or what is “normal”? Who is anyone to gage any of that, and to offer critiques or praise for how other people measure up to it all?
The answer is that no one holds that place. No one has that right. And I think that we all know that deep down, but for some reason, many still hold onto the idea that they have to earn their worth and value from the approval of others, be it from family, friends, strangers, or from ourselves as we compare our lives to those we see around us or in the media. Ultimately, we’re looking to the world around us to give us an idea if we’re doing well in living our lives, and we’re offering that same judgement to others in order to make sure they know whether or not they’re doing well in living their lives. It’s a contradictory way of living to the truth that we know deep down inside, which is that we have no place in judging others and others have no place in judging us.
So why do we do it?
Because it’d be “weird” not to?
  • According to who? Who makes that call? (If you know, come see me. I’d like to speak to them.)
Is it because everyone else is living that way and we don’t want to stand out?
  • Why? Why not stand out?? What’s the point in shrinking down our beautiful and wonderful authenticity and dimming our light from shining as brightly as it can and should? If it is so that we don’t make others feel uncomfortable walking along with their dimmed lights, how about rather than dimming our lights to match theirs, we shine as brightly as we’re meant to so that we can encourage and inspire them to do the same?

What are we so afraid of?

If it’s failure, I have just two things to say about that.
The first of which is that you cannot fail at being yourself, unless you don’t allow yourself to truly be yourself.
*The only wrong decision ever to make is the one that goes against what your true heart is telling you to make.*
The second of which is a quote that one of my favorite bright lights of all time, Jim Carrey, said during an incredibly inspiring commencement speech he made (which I would encourage you to see if you have not yet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V80-gPkpH6M ). At one point, he was discussing the fact that his father could have been a great comedian, but because he had listened to his ego and chosen to make his choices based out of fear rather than authenticity, he chose a comfortable job as an accountant. He eventually lost that job and their family struggled to do whatever they needed to do to survive. Jim said that among many great lessons that his father taught him, one of the greatest lessons he learned was that “you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love”. I couldn’t agree more.
What I think is important to acknowledge, though, is that this doesn’t only apply to career and job choices- it applies to every single aspect of life. You can most definitely fail personally, professionally, academically, etc., by going in the direction that you don’t want and making choices based out of fear that the ego has instilled in you, causing you to want to make the safe choices that you believe will impress and please others around you who have no place in having that authority over you in the first place… but if you choose to go in the direction that your true heart tells you is right for you, not only will you at the very least enjoy the process and the journey so much more, but the truth is that you will be more capable of succeeding. Because when you pursue what is meant for you, the success and happiness that we all truly desire, deserve, and more importantly, are meantto have is brought into your life as a result.
But a very key aspect of beginning that wonderful, beautiful, joyful journey of living by your true heart and authenticity is letting go of that ego. Don’t allow it to dictate the choices you make any longer. It’s had reign for far too long as it is and it’s never too late to begin living the life you’re meant to live. In fact, it just so happens to be that right now is the most perfect time that you have to start! So why wait? Don’t let fear stop you. Don’t let others stop you. Don’t let you stop you. Love yourself and the world around you enough to allow yourself to be the person you were created to be. It will not only fulfill you, but it will inadvertently enrich and inspire the people around you- your friends, family, and even strangers that you encounter. It will shine a light into this world that will continue burning brightly long after your gone, and which will create a spark in others to ignite their own fire of authenticity.She may be loud, but that doesn’t make her important. Your heart is important. YOU are important. And the world needs you. :)

Live in Love ❤

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