She is loud, obnoxious, always thinks she’s right, and is constantly criticizing anything that might have something different to offer than her own judgements.She’s narrow-minded, stubborn, and is certainly difficult to ignore because she shouts to make herself feel more significant than all the rest, she’s mean to make herself feel more powerful, and she makes you feel like crap in the most manipulative of ways because ultimately, stepping on others is how she lifts herself up. She’s
toxic, and you probably know that in a very real and deep way, but for some reason you still feel drawn to her. You almost feel like you’d be lost and nothing without her because those toxic tactics that she’s used to manipulate situations in her favor have actually worked… they’ve knocked down your self-esteem in just the right ways to make you believe the lies, but they’ve offered you an opportunity for redemption by earning approval and praise that promises to build it back up. (But it never truly builds it back up, does it?) You’ve become so close to her that as toxic as she might be, you feel a sense of attachment to and need for her and you honestly feel like you couldn’t walk away even if you wanted to, so you settle for the pain involved in the friendship because it ultimately provides you with some twisted sense of comfort, stability, and acceptance.
Until one day you realize that you never needed anything to provide you with those things before she came into your life, because you already possessed them. You finally realize that she stole them away from you, and you allowed her to, while making you feel like you could and should earn them back, even though they were already yours… and are still yours. One day, you realize that that isn’t a friendship at all. That despite what that she has to say about it, you know that you’re worth more than what she wants you to believe. And you’re taking it back.
- According to who? Who makes that call? (If you know, come see me. I’d like to speak to them.)
- Why? Why not stand out?? What’s the point in shrinking down our beautiful and wonderful authenticity and dimming our light from shining as brightly as it can and should? If it is so that we don’t make others feel uncomfortable walking along with their dimmed lights, how about rather than dimming our lights to match theirs, we shine as brightly as we’re meant to so that we can encourage and inspire them to do the same?
What are we so afraid of?
The first of which is that you cannot fail at being yourself, unless you don’t allow yourself to truly be yourself.
The second of which is a quote that one of my favorite bright lights of all time, Jim Carrey, said during an incredibly inspiring commencement speech he made (which I would encourage you to see if you have not yet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V80-gPkpH6M ). At one point, he was discussing the fact that his father could have been a great comedian, but because he had listened to his ego and chosen to make his choices based out of fear rather than authenticity, he chose a comfortable job as an accountant. He eventually lost that job and their family struggled to do whatever they needed to do to survive. Jim said that among many great lessons that his father taught him, one of the greatest lessons he learned was that “you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love”. I couldn’t agree more.
Live in Love ❤